~jokes~

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle," he said. "You may pass through the pearly gates," Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said, "You may pass through the pearly gates."

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's glasses.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "They're Carol's."

How you impress yourr clients
I was in the airport VIP lounge en route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago.

While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner,
enjoying a drink. I was meeting a very important client who was a! lso
flying to Seattle , but she was running a little bit late.

Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft
chairman, introduced myself, and said, "Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do
me a favor."

"Yes?"

"I'm sitting right over there," pointing to my seat at the bar, and I' m
waiting for a very important client. Would you be so kind when she arrives
as to come walk by and just say "Hi Tom?"

"Sure."

I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat. About ten
minutes later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk
business. A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was
Bill Gates.

"Hi, Tom," he said.

I replied, "Shut up, Bill, I'm in a meeting."