Back From Kinabalu!

Well, got back few days ago from kota kinabalu. Theres a city there but the main objective was to be there with some friends to climb the dam mountain. Thoughts? Dont think i'm ever doing it again. Unless my dad wants me to climb with him. Then I guess I might...

Its really cold up there.

Other than that we also spent a day river rafting. Actually the river rafting took about an hour or so and lunch after that another hour but the transport to and fro took waaaay longer. I'd say its at least 4 hours on each end. So incredibly, we travelled 8 hrs for a 2-3 hr long activity. Haha. But at least the transport was provided for by the rafting people. So we went in a car from our backpackers, to... a train station! To take a the train TO the river where we were suppose to raft. Imagine that! Haha I must say the journey there was rather cool as well. See lotsa people, even the train was rather cute. I've never seen a one carriage train before. The engine wasn even seperated. Dam cute. haha.



I still think about her sometimes. Infact, I think about her most of the time. Havent really been talking to other people about this anymore. Sometimes, I really wish for someone to talk to, but then I realise I dont know what is there to talk about. I'll just be repeating the same thing over and over, and it wont amount to anything. Maybe piss people off, but thats about it. And thats the thing, im quite afraid that i'll just become this nuisance and scare my friends away =x

I know im probably worrying too much on that part, and I should have more faith in my friends. haha. But its just that I dont think I'll have very much to say except that I miss her very much. And I dont really know where to start especially with friends who never knew her.

By now I've worked through this whole episode with all the logic I can think of to help me through: "shes really happy", "we never would've made it very far" stuff like that and I do really believe it. I do really believe that shes happy, much happier than I could make her. But all this logic, all of this sorting my thoughts out can not, make me stop thinking of her. Even when there were times where I DID temporarily let her float off my mind, something I see, or someone I meet will come along and just bring back her image into my head all over again. Bringing me back to square 1.



Recently really feel like singing k. I sing at home alot nowadays and I feel it helps relieve me in some ways. But cant seem to find people to sing with me. My mates from gess dont take well to the idea of k, and PD family either seems busy or overseas, or both.

I know I really should get a job. Something to do, something to wake up to. So I can stop letting my mind wander around. My friend actually asked me if I wanted to design some furniture for her, so if my designs get used by her clients then she will pay me accordingly. She didn have to do that, but she did cos she was trying to help so im really thankful to her for even extending that offer. Im going to try doing that for tomorrow. Maybe go out to a starbucks with my sketchbook or smth. But see the thing about design, the first thing you have to do, is to let your mind wander. Haha. But we'll see how that turns out.

I know I should go into more detail about kinabalu, its just bits and pieces everywhere but I think i'll stop for now. Maybe another post another time. See if the furniture thing works out ok. Hopefully i'll be able to make some stuff and add that to my portfolio as well.

Im gonna talk about the girl now. Not really finished with the moving house part yet but what the heck feel like talking bout this now. haha.


Where to begin? Well I suppose I should give a description of how she came along into my life?  She was my classmate from Lasalle. There. haha. But ok, shes from indonesia and the first year that i was into my course, I didn really know her well. Infact back then I was trying to get over a few problems, didn really have time to notice girls. Plus, the fact that she was from indo kinda just blocked me away cos most of the time i didn understand what they were saying. Despite this I had some friends who started pushing us together and I guess that was when I started noticing her. And the more I noticed her, the more I started to get attracted to her magnetic personality.


I wouldn say she was the prettiest girl in class, no. But she always brought this irresistible energy to the class, and when shes around the whole class seems to light up with her pranks and screaming and bubbly personality. Against possible embarrassment, I want to say, she lit up my life and made it so much more pleasant everyday. Needless to say, I grew really fond of having this shining ball of energy around me all the time.


Ofcourse, besides being such a bubbly girl, she has other sides as well. One of them is when shes taking care of someone who is hurt or sick. Ofcourse, my entire class helps out one another all the time but I see her ironically as one of the most mature of the lot when it comes to handling human relations. Which is what really impressed me as well. How could someone so playful and cheerful be at the same time the most mature of the lot.


So that was basically how I gradually but surely fell for this girl. Continue in next post! Maybe I'll try to describe in more chronological order next time.

SUNDAY, MARCH 28, 2010 - That was how long ago my last post was. More than 2 years ago. Yup. Almost forgot bout this place. I guess there were really too many other things to do. And also with facebook, I already kinda have my life up on the net, so blogging seemed... redundant.


Of course I dont really publish everything thats on my mind on facebook, so I think this here blog may just be able to find a niche for itself. Seems alot more private anyways. Kinda have the image of an abandoned lodge in the woods in my head. Its old, its not as high tech as some other city dwelling but its so much more private. I could streak naked in the abandoned lodge and nobody's gonna see or care. Im not suggesting that im going to streak naked in this blog, figuritively or otherwise, but I guess I can be more open about whats on my mind.


So really, whats on my mind these days?


Well besides computer games, 3 things really.

A girl.
Moving house.
My future.

I think i'll start bottom up.

My future. I didn say "looking for a job" because I have come to realize that I don't want to just be looking for any other job and just work blindly for the 30-40 years. I find myself asking the question, "Where do you want to be in 5 years?" alot and I feel that whatever I choose to do now, should be working towards that goal in 5 years. But WHAT EXACTLY do I want to achieve 5 years down the road? I have yet to figure that out definitively. The rough idea is that...

Dare I say it? I want to start my own company. Maybe work it out among a few friends. I guess I should start with why I entered product design in the first place. 


For me, I feel that as a designer, I would be proud if something I designed could permeate the lives of others and become something that is irreplaceable or something that adds that little bit of joy into their lives. I feel that the choices of the objects that we acquire tell a story about who we are and to know that something of my hand could bring joy into someone else's life, that would bring me the most satisfaction.


So for that to work, I realize that the chances of it happening while working under someone else will be rather slim. Because one usually ends up following the "vision" of a client or the boss. Hence, I have to work in an environment where there isnt really a boss. Hence the idea of wanting to start my own thing. I'm sure many creative professionals will at some point or another think in this direction as well.


So thats my goal I guess. 5 years. Start my own company? Im really gonna look like an ass if im still working a 9-5 5 years later, or worse, still bumming around. But i'll take my chances, its not like this blog has a viewership of a million anyway. Plus, I guess it really helps when you say out your goals instead of just keeping them in your head and think MAYBE I'll do it.


So right now, what I need is to acquire actual design experience in the working world. So I guess I wont mind working for less pay as long as I get to learn how things work. Not like designers get paid a great deal in the first place. Bleah.


I've sent emails to Razer, expressing my enthusiasm, but they were not looking to hire. Razer is one company which I feel especially inclined to join because firstly, they make gaming peripherals. And gaming has been a huge part of my adolescent life. I'm a geek. And to be able to contribute back to the gaming community in this way, really means quite abit to me. Secondly, Razer was built on the notion of designing based on consumer feedbacks. Which is an idea that I strongly support. I feel that the community should be the ones voicing out what they like and what they dont and the design team should be the ones realising these likes. So if anything, I feel that the system from which Razer acquires their feedback would be something worth learning about.


Other than that, I cant seem to find any companies that I would REALLY want to join. I guess I'll have to probably look for other jobs in the meantime, and keep searching as I work?




Moving House.

If you havent heard, I'll be shifting away from my current place soon... Its the place where I grew up in and it has sheltered me for a good 17 years. I have many memories here, memories of growing up, memories of my mom... To think that I would have to leave this place one day and on top of that under such unusual circumstances.

Well I guess it all started with the passing of my mom. It was a really bad time for me then but SOMEHOW I got over it. I'm not someone particularly strong or anything but, I guess when you have no choice but to be strong, you will be strong. Still it came as a HUGE shocker to me when my dad told us around chinese new year, that he got himself a girlfriend. My mom passed away in september mind you. And apparently he got to know her 2 months after mom passed away. AND shes from china. AND shes got a daughter. Naturally, my sister and I were really upset by his, should I say "cold hearted" and frankly rather stupid decision.


Fast forward to today, my dad is already married to the chinese lady and for me well... I have changed my point of view. Its not that I have become close with the mother and daughter, infact I know just as much about them as I did 3 years ago, maybe just a little more. Thats why, I told myself that I should not be judging them based on assumptions and conclusions that I've made by myself. But more importantly, this is was my dad wants. And when it comes down to it all, I want my dad to be happy. So for his sake, I hope that all my prior assumptions were wrong, and that he would be happy with his decisions.


My sister on the other hand, can not see from this point of view. The very sight of the lady irks her to no end(it irritates me to a certain extent as well, but not as much). So when my dad decided that he wanted them to stay with him i.e move into the house, the notion was met with much resistance. Hell, his whole fiasco was met with much resistance and objection but he still went ahead anyways. He just waited abit longer and hoped the resistance wouldn be there anymore.


Point is, my sis made herself very clear that she could NEVER stay under the same roof as the lady and her daughter. My dad however, wants to live with his new wife. So we eventually came to the conclusion that we needed to sell the place. Sell the place and my dad will buy a smaller place for his new family while my sis and I will get half of the amount from the sales to help finance our own place next time. At least in this way, we separate before any bad blood occurs and can still meet up for dinner and the like...


Ok its getting rather late. Feeling quite sleepy already. So i'll finish this up in another post. Maybe i'll be talking bout the girl in the next post too. Haha.

~Hands In Vegetation~

OK... This blog is semi-abandoned. hahaha. Dam long since i blogged. Facebook seems to be taking over alot of "updating" especially with photo uploads. but anyhow, this seems too long to put into facebook.

Just woke up from a really weird dream...

I was trapped on top of a building(like the roof of some skyscraper) with some other people. Its sort of like a hostage situation cause the person with the key just didn wanna let us out(or rather, down) and there was media coverage and everything but for some reason we just couldn get off the building. Oh and it was raining all the time.

What kept us alive, surprisingly was not food parcels or water rations, but notes of encouragement from the public, which was sent up as pieces of paper(which floated upwards as if there were in some giant heating vent). Because of the constant rain, the paper would always end up crumply and a lil soggy when we got to it, but the contents were always heart warming. And these pieces of paper would come at intervals. Like someone collected all the notes and sent them up in batches. I remember myself saying out: "well thats the last of them. Its like nightsnack in outfield, you dont get nightsnack twice in the same night!"

This whole thing kinda played out like a movie as well because after all the drama and stuff there was like an ending song or some sorts. Just kept playing. And the lyrics were simple.

"Now you've got your hands in vegetation, hands in vegetation now."

I have no idea what that means but the tune and lyrics are stuck in my head now. Maybe i should make it into a song? haha.



Also on another note.( It might be related )

I went for a canon user gathering the other night. Organized by someone from clubsnap. It was nice to be in a huge crowd of canon users and just discuss photography in general. Best part was the studio boss brought out lenses for us to play with. =D now im poisoned by what they call the BBB virus. lol.

There was this part where they were showing the video capabilities of the 5D Mark II and it was actually a wedding procession (the "jie mei" block doors and play weird games thing". When they came to the part where the bride and groom offered tea to their parents, I sorta, teared.

So thats why i say it might be linked to that weird dream. haha. But the weird dream had other parts la. I was studying in a tertiary institute much like now and just across a small road was a secondary/jc kind of school where rules were enforced about being late. And the discipline master from that school like kicked the late comers out of the school and subsequently everyone else. So, having no where to go the students from that secondary school ran over to my school, but they got kicked out by the authority figure as well(dont ask me why they didn go have breakfast or something, they just didn). So people kept shuffling between these 2 schools and crossing this small road. Then a vehicle came into the picture and I was told the DM of the sec sch collaborated with the "DM" of my school to use create that scenario so that the vehicle would give the students a good scare and teach them a lesson in road safety.

Yea, actually theres another 1 or 2 more ( Yea, I KNOW. all within the same night) but i think i shall stop here for today. =)

~Update~

I know i haven really been updating and i've left a super emo entry hanging at the front page for very long. Its not that i've been emo all this while, it sorta got better after i blogged it all down. Just that recently getting busier and also im very lazy to update my blog. hehe

did some photography for sch's open house can see the pictures on my facebook page if you haven already.

Jap lessons feel even more daunting this year. So far i've only had 2 lessons and I already have alot things i dont understand especially since i've forgotten alot of things i'm suppose to already know. Was just kinda hoping that as long as i continue i'll continue learning cos if i stop going altogether then my proficiency in jap will only deteriorate. at least thats my theory. Hai... but going for lessons by myself quite boring and no one to copy notes from if i absent or anything.

Hopefully this yr my teacher will not keep changing. haha

~OMG~

I havent really talked to anyone about this before but during this period of break, when work is all done and finished, I find myself thinking bout Mom every single day. Basically whenever I'm alone thoughts of her will just creep into my head.

This might be kinda creepy but in the past i've actually dreamt of my Mom dying and my grandmother dying. I guess thats just my mind trying to prep itself for the worst case scenario. But all I had to do was wake up from the dream and everything would be alright. Now its just the reverse, I see my mom in my dreams all the time and I wake up to the nightmare that is reality.

I dont know if i've mentioned this before but I've always seen my Mom as the pillar of my life. Like no matter what happened, I could always tell myself: "hey you've still got a wonderful mom and a wonderful family, you're so lucky." Now I can't do that anymore and its just so tiring standing by myself with no pillar to lean on.

When I'm with friends and when I'm doing stuff its fine, I dont get to think too much but when I'm alone my mind just cycles through the same memories over and over again. Imangine what a Harry Potter fan would do when the whole H.P movie series end. Just keep watching the same titles over and over again, cos thats all he's got left.

And theres ALWAYS the icing on the cake.

Just heard from my sis, dad told her just now that he's found a girlfriend.

WOW.

How bout the icing ON the icing?

Shes PRC.

Haha. REEEEAAAAAAALLY emo post i know, I just had to get that out of my system, and hey, if you see this post and you see me or anything, dont be scared to ask if I "wanna talk about it" cos I might just do.

~UPDATE UPDATE~

yes i do realise i have not updated for a very long time. I think i've changed to becoming more active on facebook... not that I was very active in blogging earlier on but you get the idea.

Hmmm. One sem ended, and i've alot of polishing up work to do. Still, most of my time the last few days have been spent preoccupied with games. sigh... And i have yet to start my running routine up again... lol.

I was suppose to have some youth olympic game internship for this hols but after we went for the interview we realise that alot of the things they require we have not learn yet/ will not learn. So in the end we just told them we were not suitable for the job. (but that didn stop the thing from dragging back and forth... haha. cos we were all trying to reach a compromise so that we can actually be of some help but I guess the main factors were still missing so it was a no go)

Other than that. Oh yarrr i've been to kuala lumpur. Didn blog bout that. hahaha. Well it was basically similar to singapore in terms of shopping options. And no, the stuff there were not necessarily cheaper. The train system was kinda like toyko though... In the sense that they had many different operators running different lines, and so if you wanted to say switch from one to another you had to get out of the current and get into the other one. unlike SG's MRT system which is more seamless. Im not praising the MRT system here or anything but just to put things into perspective.

Oh but the malls I must say are much bigger than SG. There was this particular mall which had sort of a left and right wing and each wing was 10 stories high. so thats 2 x 10 levels of shopping. To top it off theres an amusement park built right into the mall itself. so you can imagine the scale. If you cant then wait for me to upload pictures... prolly on facebook. hahaha. 2 x 10 levels of shopping sounds really impressive but actually the shops start to thin out after like the 5th or 6th level and you just get empty levels higher up. Then suddenly on the tenth level is the food court. -_- whats this price targeting ah? only the price sensitive customers will find out about the hidden foodcourt and actually bother to go 9 levels higher to get cheaper food.

Had alot of people wishing me happy birthday this year. ALOT more people compared to previous years, even people who i haven seen in years or people who actually i dont really know who they are =x but heh. Thanks guys. =)

Nothing much to update already really. hah. erhhhh... yah. bye for now. haha

~Back From Japan~

HEEHEE. Actually i was back from japan since monday. WOW. What a trip! To think last week this time I was eating ramen at a stall outside tokyo metro in shinjuku. haha.

I miss japan already. lol. I guess its just that we just didn stay long enough. Didn manage to visit all the places i wanted to visit like harajuku, shibuya and akihabara. BUT i did manage to go to Ochinomizu, the famed guitar street and OH MY GOD. Ochanomizu has guitars is the biggest understatement of the year. The amount of guitars they pack into a single shop and the amount of guitar shops they pack into that single street was like a direct reflection of the amount of people packed in tokyo.

Also, it was actually great to finally be able to know for sure what i have been learning for 2 years is actually applicable in real life? haha. Although my jap was still very limited but i think it managed to help out in a few situations... The words I found myself using the most however, were "ninhongo wa youku dekinai" Haha.

Oh and although i was supposed to be the tourist there, at least once everyday some jap couple/family will ask me to help them take photo. "Shyashin o totte kuremasu ka?" and i always forgot to say doo itashimashite after they thank me =x

JAPAN HAS ALMOST NO RUBBISH BINS! We had to get used to carrying our rubbish with us as we walked around. Also, we have to clear up our trays after meals. Even at Macs. YES i went to try the macs there. Haha. It was pretty different, and you had to seperate the rubbish to the extent of cup, drink, ice, cap, straw etc...

Of all the meals i ate there, most of them were from convenience stores. But the food they have in their convenience stores... WOW. Can taste better than some of the jap food stalls/ restaurants in singapore. Pictures after i end this semester. =) But of all the meals i ate there, the best meal i must say was from this small little neighborhood store. I had a huge plate of beef curry rice and it was cooked so well, i missed the curry the moment i stepped out of the shop. haha.

ok. maybe i'll stop here today. just a small update. TONNES of submission by next week cos semester ending soon. Im happy but stressed out. omg.

~ Japan... ~

Hmmmm. Im going to japan. wahahaha! Its a self-funded trip to see their design week organised by one of my lecturers. Note the term "self-funded". No subsidy, cant even use edusave! haha. return tickets plus accomodation abot 1k+ abit then food will depend on what i eat there. Also, although we're not really there for the design week. More like for the design-weekend. Cos we're flying off on a thursday night and coming back to sg on monday night/tuesday morning. And classes resume on tuesday. The 9.30 - 9.30 kinda class. WOW. but still, JAPAN! YAY. Hmmmm dont think i'll be able to buy a guitar from japan for this time. Schedule should be quite packed. Sad, really one of the things I want to do on my list. But i guess there will be other chances. I hope i'll at least be able to ask wheres the toilet when im there...

Just got back my camera from ben. Lent it to him last week. But passed to his fren instead cos he wasn booked out yet. Received the HP details from ben so that it'll be easier to contact his fren. "Sebas 912345678" Initially i thought i was gonna meet some indian/malay guy. Sebas... how do you even pronounce that. "see-baz"? "sae-bez"? Weird name la. Then it struck me. It was short for Sebastian.

Keep dreaming bout my mom nowadays. Like every few days will dream bout her that kind. That day my neighbor asked(in dailect) if i dreamt of her and i told her yea 3-4 times. and she said very "ling" haha. Last night's dream was quite nice, well everytime i dream of mom its nice la. haha. Last night she was in a very graceful light blue dress and she was dancing(ok she never danced. at least not when i was around) and she was very slim and had this beautiful aura around her but can still see that its mom. lol.

Still quite excited bout the jap trip. =D

~Simple Solutions~

Hmmmm. I just feel that some things have been over complicated. I should always keep things simple. In life, in design. Adding more lines to a mistake only makes it worse. Best is to start on a fresh sheet of paper, and toss away all that crap and bull. So thats what im gonna do.

sv_restartround 1

~1 Week~

Wow. One week passed by so quickly. No more holiday! haha. The past week was actually a project week where we REALLY didn need to go to school. How nice was that. Never mind that hari raya overlapped and we were kinda shortchanged(I dont have lessons on mondays so i wuda been shortchanged anyway. YEA THATS RIGHT. NO LESSONS ON MONDAYS. AND FRIDAYS), it was still a good week of aimless fun and not really doing anything work related. haha.

Arkham asylum took up my last sunday and monday. Got my laptop on tuesday. Subsequently got a table for my room from ikea(where else) on wednesday.






So now my room is like this. Just shifted my guitar in from the living room. But kinda takes up alot of space wondering if i should shift it back... haha.
So now my room setup is quite nice... As you can see, when i operate my laptop my upper torso is supported by my orange beanbag which i got ages ago(finally its starting to pay off). Only disadvantage is that its really easy to fall asleep in that cozy little corner. So i think i might still do most of my work in school. Which is the reason why i got a laptop in the first place.

Decided not to install games on my laptop. I dont want to bring my games to school. Then i wont be able to work even at that place. Quite happy with my new laptop. Has this face recognition login thingy so when i look at the log in screen for windows the webcam looks at me and logs in for me. Quite cool. Until you get to a new place with different light conditions. Then i've gotta take some mugshots in that lighting condition so that the laptop will be able to recognize me.(of course theres the old school method of just typing) Other than that if im back facing some strong light then my whole profile is black, then it cant recognize me as well. Which is a pretty common situation seeing as how my room is setup...

Going to school to finish up some work tml. Prolly take the whole day. Best to wake up earlier...

Nick is really hardcore at getting shows. He updates us on his progress via facebook like cable tv catalog so you know what movies are up and coming. Oh, games as well. Kudos to him. Really happy for him to have won that 47inch LG HD tv from that need for speed competition during the games convention asia. Seems like he had a history of winning these things back when he was in HK. Good shit.

Dats abt it now. Update again next time. wahaha.

~Update~

Hmmm... I suppose i should update abit. Last weekend was the first weekend where i resumed my "Normal" life. Erhh... nice to see the guys again in the kind of environment im familiar with... haha.

Work is still manageable but we're kinda being forced to participate in this design competition. haha. But if win its a trip to japan to see their design week. and an internship as well. wow. sounds so tempting right. haha

Realised the other day that i missed the deadline for application for JLPT. Hai... Just put the matter at the back of my head and after "things" settled, suddenly realise im too late. Haha. Kinda feels like im always too late for things. ~_~ anyway aso dunoe what level to apply for. Failed JLPT4 last year, this year dunoe still wanna go for 3. guess i wont have to make the choice now.

Thats about it for now. heh.

~ Admin Matters ~

The cremation was today. Thanks to all those who came to my mother's wake. I really appreciate the support you guys are giving me. I'll be fine and im gonna live my life well.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many admin matters to settle suddenly. Are we keeping the car? Right now only dad drives and he doesn drive to work. My sis is gonna take her test soon but before she passes dad is the only one who drives. But if we sell the car then my sis would pretty much have learnt driving for nothing.

Then we gotta decide when we gonna get our maid to leave. With my dad's income we cant keep her employed under us for long. It almost takes up 1/3 of my dad's monthly income to employ her. But she took such good care of my mother while she was alive, feel kind of bad that we make her change environment and all right after my mom's death. Feels very 过河拆桥 to me.

Rah then have to settle all the bank related stuff from mom's side. Includes phone lines...

Hai... very tiring.

Anyways, heres a picture of my family. Its one of my favourites, taken when I was still very young. I think its my birthday, but my sis says its hers. -_- Anyway here it is.

~Goodbye~

Mom, I love you but I guess this ending was inevitable. We all tried our best but if this is the way it has to be then please know that you will always exist in my heart and I will never forget the 22 years of unconditional love that you gave me.

Goodbye mom. I'll see you some 70 years later? Heh.

~ - ~

Mom is now very much like a child. She cant talk to us anymore just makes sounds that we dont understand. The simple act of breathing, for her has become a chore. Its like the only "chore" she can cope with right now. Its so painful to breathe so hard that she moans in pain when the morphine is not enough. Those are the only sounds I get to hear from her.

Its really heartbreaking to see her like this. My sister is stronger than me. I know shes bleeding inside as well but shes still taking care of Mom to the best of her ability. I'm trying my best as well but I cant hold it in as long as my sis.

It'll prolly happen in the next few days.

Everything just keeps reminding me of her right now. rawr.

~Things You Wont Know How To Answer~

One morning couple of weeks ago before i school started. I was at my mom's bed and she asked me:
"Boy, 为什么做了这么多,到最后还是没有用?"

how do you answer something like that?

Just now according to my sis, mom woke up for awhile(cos they stopped her morphine to give the antibiotic). And she kept asking questions like: where am i? why am i here? Faster pay them the money and go. like shes oblivious to her own condition.

how do you answer these kind of question?

dont know what to type already la. waoieanf egoiellgdn oiqlkadgn gklesd.,

"妈妈,我可以跟你换吗?"

~PHEW~

wah. just got back from hospital. mom developed pneumonia and fever within 1 day from coming home. the oxygen concentrator sucks man. I was really really scared just now. At least her condition is stabilized compared to just now. arg.

~ Memories? ~

Brought mom home back yesterday. We're trying to let her stay at home for as long as possible... Shes already on oxygen concentrator and all and shes very weak. In fact, I think she'll be going to the hospice in the next few days. Cos we're kinda worried about the fact that we have no medical knowledge to handle the medical complications that may occur. And according to my sis, mom is obviously weakening by the day. =\

Ironic part was that yesterday was dad's birthday. Still celebrated abit with some cake but the mood was just very bad. Must have been quite bad for him. Guess it kinda feels like my 21st bday last year for me, when my grandfather passed away.

Kept thinking alot these past few days. About how my Mom worked so hard to bring my sister and I up. Just when its almost time for us to take care of her instead, she has to leave. And leave in such a painful way. There still so many things that she must want to do and so many things that I wanna give to her. My first pay-check, my gf/wife?, my first child? but its just not gonna happen anymore.

Maybe all of this wont matter in a few years time. After its just 3 years from 2012 right? Maybe i'll see her in 3 years time. Haha.

I really dread the day when Mom turns to Memories...

~ Cake Anyone? ~

Hah. Interesting title? Lemme explain. Ever since secondary school, i've been learning and coming into contact with this thing called functional writing. Back then i thought it was just another useless section of the English subject that required only storage and regurgitation.

As the days went by I slowly found myself in more and more situations where the drafting of a formal letter was required. Like when I was doing my Admin jobs and had to send out emails to boss(es) and external people, and when Wei Bin kept asking me to help him out with replying to his customers from his family's bus business.

But of all the Formal Letters I had to write so far, the one I just wrote takes the cake. (and i imagine that it will keep the cake for a long time). I just drafted my Mom's will(or at least the part which concerns an insurance policy payout). Right? Takes the cake right? Its just one of those things you would never see yourself doing in a million years. LIFE is like drama.

~IWFYITD~

anyways "discovered" this song couple of months ago. its very wols to post it but kinda appropriate i guess. For those who are wondering why got ants near the beginning of the video, I guess its a reference to the surrealists. For them, ants were always used as a symbol for death. See if you can understand the MV better with that info(assuming you've seen it before)

Anyways, im fine so please do not worry about me. I will continue believing and hoping for the best, because I think if any miracles are gonna happen, i've gotta start first by believing. At most I'll just be dissapointed so theres nothing much to lose. heh. Hopefully I can juggle school well and I'll try to siam as many unimportant events in school as possible. Most prolly wont be going out over the weekends liao. Good la. Save money. Haha. So thats about it. The song is really stuck in my head nowadays... haha